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Adam

Adam is a graduate of linguistics and literature who has spent his entire working life so far in the adult industry, writing about sex, sexuality, pleasure and relationships.

He's currently a copywriter at Ann Summers, as well as a prolific blogger and reader – amongst other things...

Eve

Eve is a long-time authority behind the scenes at Ann Summers, and she helps to ensure we're all as sexy and confident as the products on our shelves.

She's been with Ann Summers for two years now, helping to guide our communications and bring our campaigns to life.

Guest: Lucy Moore

Lingerie-loving Lucy is a Criminal Justice student who entered the model search without knowing where it would take her.

She knows that sexy is not worrying about yourself and what others think about you. She's confident yet modest, she's strong and sexy, and she's our new face as voted by YOU!

Got a burning question for our Sexperts?

We’ll answer any questions you have about sex, love, lingerie and anything else you can think of. Don’t be shy… we won’t judge or question you.

We’re here to give you honest, practical and expert advice and the best questions and answers will be posted to this site to help others who might be in the same situation. So please only submit questions if you’re happy to see them live on the site!

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  • Lucy Moore

Kaz asked...

can you give me some advice on how to bring back my sex drive.

im really not interested in sex at all and havnt been for quite some time now.

my partner has quite a high sex drive and gets really frustrated with me.

i love him to bits and really fancy him but when it comes to sex im not interested.

i want to be able to satisfy him but dont know what to do to bring my sex drive back

 

Hi Kaz,

Here are three good tips to get back in the mood:

1. A dirty weekend away. By taking yourself out of your routine and your comfort zone, and after a couple of (responsible) drinks, you might find that desire for sex rekindled.

2. Have sex. The great thing is that we don’t always need to be in the mood to have sex, but having sex can get us in the mood for it. And the more we do it, the more we want to do it!

3. Do something naughty. Try to remember something you did as your sexuality developed and repeat it. Turn yourself on by re-living something that turned you on from your past, whatever that might be.

I know it’s often hard and there hundreds of factors that go into damaging soneone’s sex drive, but whatever’s causing it will be reversible and with a little effort you’ll recapture your love of sex.

Love from Eve x

Daisy asked...

Hi Eve,

I really want to enjoy anal sex with my boyfriend, we've tried toys and lots of lube but its always unncommfortable.

Can you suggest anything?

 

Hi Daisy,

Thanks for the question! It’s great that you want to enjoy it and you’ve asked for help; once you’ve got used to it it’s a very sexy feeling.

Yep, there are a couple of things you can try. Instead of a normal lube, try a desensitising lube like Booty Relax. It can help take some of the discomfort away.

Also, preparation is key: Buy a couple of anal toys – one small and one larger. During foreplay, start with the small toy and then, when it’s comfortable, switch to the larger one. This will help your body get used to the sensations before sex begins. Practice alone too.

You need to be in control so you can take it slowly. Go at your pace, not his. For example, have him stand still just off the bed, and get on all fours in front of him. Then control your body moving backwards and forwards very gently until you’re comfortable. Then if you want you can let him take a little more control.

So to summarise: a desensitising gel, loads of lube, a couple of practice toys, be comfortable and be in control.

Good luck!

Love from Eve x

Gwen asked...

Hello Eve,

For a while now, I've had a fantasy about having a threesome with my boyfriend and another guy, which I've told my boyfriend about, but he's very lovey-dovey (not that I mind), and makes him feel very protective.

I understand that he's reluctant to 'share' me, but I've promised him that I'd do my research and choose wisely, plus he's forever asking me if we could have anal sex. I've offered him a fantasy trade for when we both feel ready, but his decision's just not changing. 

Should I just accept that he doesn't want to try a threesome, or shall I keep trying to persuade him subtly?

Thanks in advance!

 

Hi Gwen,

Thank you for the question; it’s a real thinker.

I understand the problem very well, but it needs to be handled tactfully. He wants something, you want something, you’re negotiable, he isn’t. That’s not fair. Firstly, make absolutely sure you don’t give him what he wants without you agreeing to get what you want.

I had to ask Adam about this to get a male perspective. He offered some advice worth considering. He said that if you want a threesome to happen, you might have to lead him into it. Have you considered offering him a threesome with another girl first? He’ll find that hard to resist, and then after that you can approach the question of another guy again.

Don’t give up trying to persuade him, just realise that it shouldn’t be a deal-breaker. There’s no point falling out over it if he’s really not going to budge.

Did he give you any specific reasons why he doesn’t want to do it?

Love from Eve x

Dannii asked...

me and my bf keep doing missionary, pile driver n doggy position.

What other positions can we do to lengthen the sex we have?

 

Hi Danii

Thanks for the question! There are any number of different positions to explore, countless ways to prolong sex. The trick is to find one that you both enjoy but in which he’s in charge, so he can control himself.

A book like Sex 365 contains 365 illustrated sex positions and clear instructions, so grab a copy and start experimenting!

Have fun.

Love from Adam x

Corby asked...

Hi adam, 

Well, I have a few fantasies that i am too embarrassed to tell my partner about... I really think this would spice up our sex life if i could bring up the courage to mention it to him... But i feel really silly when it comes down to it..

I have asked about his fantasies and he never tells me what they are either... even during sex ill be like "oohh tell me what you want, tell me your fantasies" and he ignores me and my sex drive goes downhill ...

How would you recommend me to tell him what i want... or how to drop a hint, i know men are very hard to understand woman and all that..

Also, its nothing too bad what I am after, i mean you sell all i need in ann summers.. i just cant find the courage to say to him "this is what i want" id feel so silly..

Thank you Adam

Corby xx

 

Hi Corby

Yep, a tricky question indeed. It sounds like he’s a little shy and embarrassed, which is pretty common for guys. So you need to make him know that you won’t judge him or be freaked out by anything he says by talking to him about it. Usually, I would recommend that you sit down with him away from sex but in this case, it might actually be best to talk to him during, as you’ve already been doing. Just make him feel reassured.

Also, you might have to break the ice and tell him one of your fantasies first. I know that’s easier said than done, but you will have to take the leap at some point if you want to liven your sex life up. You don’t really have much to lose: at the very worst he might not respond and you might feel a little embarrassed. But at best, he might be really turned on and you might get to live those fantasies out.

If you’re struggling to tell him your fantasies, then it might be easier to show him. Find some porn similar to your fantasy and watch it together. Or, pick up a game like Monogamy. It contains fantasies that you both might enjoy, and it’s guided by the cards so you don’t have to explain the fantasies yourself.

I hope this is of some help, and it works out for you.

Love from Adam x

Jade asked...

i have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. Hes a white guy and i love him to bits, however i have wanted to try a black guy. ever since my friend said the experiance was amazing. should i ask him about it or leave the subject alone? thx jade xx

 

Hi Jade,

Whatever your fantasies are, you should always be comfortable enough to discuss them with your partner. Perhaps he has fantasies that he’s never mentioned to you, and you can trade...

Love from Eve x

Holly asked...

Hello Ann Summers!

I can't seem to climax well, I own a rampant rabbit vibrator but it takes ages for me to reach orgasm and i dont know why.

Is there any advice you could give me?

Love Holly xx

 

Hi Holly!

Good question, and it’s one that I hear quite often. If there’s a trick to being able to reach orgasm easier, then it’s a mental one. Being able to relax and clear your mind of stresses and pressures so you can enjoy yourself.

That’s easier said than done though, and it takes practice (so keep practising!), but there are a couple of shortcuts you might want to try in the meantime. Porn, erotic books and loads of lube can all help – porn especially. Sometimes just the sounds of other people having sex can be enough to get you in the mood and keep you in it for as long as you need. You might like to try Orgasm Gel too; it can help intensify your pleasure.

Just keep experimenting; everyone’s different so what works for me won’t necessarily work for you. Just set time aside and slowly learn your body, try different toys and stimuli, and make sure you’re comfortable and relaxed.

Good luck, you’ll get there.

Love from Eve x

Jamie asked...

hello eve.

ive been with my girlfriend for over 2 and a half years in a long(ish) distance relationship, and everything has been amazing, we get along great and had a great sex life.

But for the last month or two, she seems to not talk to me as much as she used to, never seems to have time to spend together (but enough to sit at home on the internet) and we havent made love in months. she says everything is ok but shes just going through a busy time in her life and everything will get back to normal.

As much as i love her, is she hiding something that she dosent want to tell me?

Hi Jamie,

Fascinating question, and congratulations on making a long distance relationship work for so long. They can be tough.

But in all honesty, this is a conversation that you need to have with her, face to face. It’s never going to be an easy conversation and you there’s nothing to suggest there’s anything going on; she may well be totally innocent and what she says about being busy may be absolutely true. But you need to talk to her. Just be attentive and understanding, not aggressive. It’s a fine line: you need to talk to her directly but if you put too much pressure on her you could make the situation worse than it needs to be.

Two years is about the time people – especially women – begin to look hard at the relationship. Perhaps she’s just looking for some sign of commitment from you. You she might be trying to make you chase her a bit, to make more effort to prove you’re in it for the long haul. That’s just speculation though. The answers you’ll get from her are far more important.

Good luck!

Love from Eve x

Liv asked...

Hi Eve. I need help with my problem. I can not orgasm. Not through sex, toys or foreplay/masturbation. My partner is very helpful and understanding but it just doesn't happen. I totally forget about it during sex so its not like I'm stressed about it, but afterwards I feel like sex is just not enough. I have never had an orgasm and feel like a freak. We"ve used all the different lubes and I have tried the silicone rabbit, just the ears. Promises, tornado, supersize me and many more. Please help x

 

Hi Liv!

Thanks for getting in touch! You’re issue is not uncommon; a lot of women don’t climax until they’re a little bit older (I’m sorry, I don’t know how old you are). From the handful I’ve talked to, the problem tends to stem from an inability to really relax – therefore I recommend continuing to try alone. Still have sex of course, but when you find a couple of hours to yourself then indulge yourself.

Have you tried other stimuli? Porn and erotic books can help fire you and get you in the mood, and a gentle clitoral stimulator is a good way to build up slowly.

Experiment even more than you already are. Try G-spot vibes and rabbit vibes and bullet vibes and fingers; everybody is different so what works for someone else might not work for you. Make a conscious effort to learn your body, what feels good and what doesn’t do anything for you.

You’ll get there eventually, and once you’ve had one you’ll find it’s a lot easier to have more. Just relax, take your time, spoil yourself, be comfortable and try not to get frustrated.

Don’t let it get you down. The only thing that’s stopping you is probably your own mind. Just try to let go of your worries and concerns and go with what your body is telling you.

I really hope this helps, but if you need any more info please don’t hesitate to come back and talk more.

Love from Eve x

Lauren asked...

my boyfriend masturbates most of the time, sometimes reaching five times a day, is this normal??

 

Eve,

That does sound like rather a lot, but you know, guys like to masturbate. It sounds like it might be affecting your sex life though, which is not good. You really need to talk to him; masturbation in a relationship is perfectly healthy, but if he’s masturbating more than you’re having sex and you’re feeling dissatisfied, then you can turn it around.

Thanks!

Love from Eve x

JS asked...

Please can you explain how a cock ring works? I think my husband would enjoy it, but I'm not sure where to start! Thanks!

 

Hi JS,

Yep. A cock ring is probably the simplest way for him (and you) to enhance the pleasure of sex. A cock ring is usually worn around the testicles and shaft together; a stretchy one can be put on and taken off at any time but a metal one should be put on and taken off when he’s flaccid.

It works by limiting the blood leaving the vessels of the penis, which keeps him harder for longer. It also makes him swell a little bit, so he’ll be bigger and more sensitive. Everyone’s a winner.

I can’t recommend one strongly enough.

Love from Eve x

Terri asked...

Hi Adam, I'm with a younger man 15 years younger.

He doesn't like oral sex, well he likes me giving him a blowjob but he wont touch me orally he says he dont think its right and he doesnt like it.

In past relations i like oral and because he wont finger me he seems to just want to stick it in and thats it I have to get myself wet otherwise he cant get his d*ck inside me as i'm too dry.

Any ideas to persuade him into trying oral sex with me?

 

Hi Terri,

Well now that’s a conundrum. It’s not really fair that he’s happy to receive but thinks it’s wrong to give it. You need to educate him, and that’s the fun bit.

Make sure your trimmed and pretty, and then apply some flavoured lube, maybe after a couple of drinks to lower the inhibitions. Take things slow and give him some encouragement, tell him he’s doing well. Treat him to some special attention afterwards to let him know he’s done well, and this should encourage him to do it again in future.

Sex should never be so one-sided; it’s all about sharing and communication, so if you have any concerns make sure he knows about them.

Thanks, and good luck!

Love from Adam x

Mark asked...

Hi Adam was wondering if u know about ann summer stamina gel i bought it last night but i dont know how long i have to wait after applying it (prior to love making).

 

Hi Mark,

It starts to desensitise you almost immediately, there’s no real waiting time as such. Also, a little goes a long way so don’t be too generous with it. With a bit of practise you’ll know exactly how much you need and you don’t need to apply it just once; keep reapplying during sex as required.

Hope that’s useful!

Love from Adam x

Emma asked...

Hi

im 3 months pregnant and me and my hubby use ann summers lubes alot but were unsure if they are safe whilst im carrying? please help we dont want our sex life to come to a stand still

 

Hi Emma, and congratulations!

As long as you’re sticking to water-based lubricants, you should be perfectly fine, but it’s worth having a quiet conversation with your GP to make sure you don’t have any special requirements.

Thanks!

Love from Adam x

Gemma asked...

Hi Eve.

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now but I really lack confidence in the bedroom. While we have tried a few different positions I am too scared to go on top. I know my boyfriend really wants me too and it makes me quite sad that I feel unable to do so.

I am put off as I feel like I wouldn't be any good and that seeing my bits jiggling around surely wouldn't be very sexy for him.

How can I get the confidence to try it?

 

Hey Gemma,

Thanks for the question. You should never be ashamed of your jiggly bits! But I know that’s easier said than done, so here are a couple of tips you might like to try.

Try covering up a bit with a sexy chemise or babydoll. This will make you look seductive and give you a little bit of confidence to be seen. Every guy likes to say his lady in lingerie, so he’ll be happy and there are no rules stating you have to be completely naked in bed.

Also, there are no rules about being on top. You don’t have to be a cowgirl, not everyone’s a porn star. So when you’re on top, bend down close to him so your head is next to his and let him do all the work. He’ll be happy, I promise.

Hope that’s useful!

Love from Eve x

Meg asked...

i recently bought an ann summers silver bullet, but i'm not sure how to turn it off, is it just simply taking the batteries out each time?

 

Hi there,

Hmm, it sounds a little like you might have a faulty one. Check out our Deliveries and Returns page for details about how to contact our lovely customer service team.

Thanks!

Love from Eve x

Lucy asked...

Hello,

This is a sex question:

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now and we have been in our new jobs after university now for approx. 5 months. In this time, both of our sex drives has completely gone. We have gone into a lapse of almost not being bothered/too tired for sex.

We are both reserved in sex as we both are shy and embarrassed to try anything new, although we will surely be willing to try something as instructed...please tell me...what can we do to increase our confidence and get into the spirit of actually wanting sex again!? Thanks for all the help!

 

Hi Lucy,

That’s a very interesting problem, but it happens to a lot of couples in periods of transition. Whether it’s moving house, starting new jobs, pregnancy, you name it, periods of change breed adjustments of attitude.

It’s obvious that you want to address the problem because you came to us, and that’s great, it’s the first step to fixing the issue.

Take things slow, it’ll take time to get back into the groove so don’t feel like you’re under pressure to make things work again. But here’s a quick fix: clear your schedules and book a weekend away. It doesn’t have to be anywhere flashy or stupidly expensive, just something intimate during which you can forget the stresses of the changes through which you’re going. Have some drinks and relax. Flirt a little.

 

You mention that you’re both quite reserved, and that’s fine. Not everybody feels the need to be pushing their sexual boundaries, so if you’re not comfortable trying new things then don’t – at least not until you’re both back in the groove.

Remember, the more sex you have the more you’ll want, it’s just getting over that initial hurdle. A weekend away from external worries and pressures can make that hurdle much easier to surmount. You’ll have to work hard to keep the momentum up though, and since you’ve made the first move by reaching out to us, you might have to make the effort to keep the intensity up.

If nothing else, just remember that with a tiny bit of effort there’s no reason for you to get stuck in a rut. You just need to pursue the sex a little bit, and talk openly to your partner.

Good luck!

Love from Eve x

Mark asked...

hi

havin never bought a sex toy before my partner has!! i wanna get something that will pleasure the both of us !!

What is the best sex toy out to pleasure both of us ?

 

Hi Mark

I have three little words for you: “We. Vibe. 3.” It doesn’t come cheap but, and I say this with no hesitation, it’s quite simply the best couple’s toy on the market right now and it’s something you can both enjoy together and both enjoy alone.

Love from Eve x

Ray asked...

It might be odd, but I'm really not that bothered about sex! My bf has a very high sex drive, and I'm just not that fussed. He wants to be able to pleasure me but it just creeps me out and makes me feel weird.

I do have a bullet vibrator, which is fine on my own, but seems a bit one-way. When we do have sex, I never feel in the mood and it just hurts. We do use lube but it just seems sticky rather than "slidey". I find it hard to initiate anything as it doesn't do much for me.

We don't have kids and we're in our mid twenties, I should be f***ing like a bunny, not putting my pj's on and having an early night!

 

Hi Ray,

Hm, tricky one. Without knowing more about the situation and your past it’s difficult for me to really help. Was there ever a time when you had a high sex drive? I ask because you own a bullet vibe which is a clue that you enjoy sexual pleasure, just not with your boyfriend. This leads me to suspect that maybe you just don’t fancy him.

Could that be possible?

Love from Eve x

Anonymous asked...

Hi Adam, There is no polite way to lead in to this so I'm just going to say it.

How do I get my boyfriend to trim his pubes?

I don't mean fully shave or anything, I know some men find being totally bare a little emasculating, just tidy the bush up a little. My reason being I enjoy performing oral sex on him, but it would be so much nicer if I didn't have to wade through a thicket to get to him. Plus, nobody likes hair in their mouth. I've tried not grooming myself as an incentive, but I caved way before he did since I groom because I like to be neat and tidy down there, not because he likes me to (even though he does).

I've also tried asking him to trim on several occasions and he always comes out with a flat out no. I've pretty much given it up as a lost cause, but I wanted to ask in case you had some insight I might have missed.

 

Hi Anonymous,

Ooh... great question!

Frankly, this is not a problem I’ve ever encountered, since most of the guys I know trim and maintain themselves to at least some degree, and I have never heard of anyone flat out refusing.

The only solution I can think of is to hold his pleasure hostage: refuse to go down on him until he trims. Trimming or even shaving should not be considered emasculating at all, and refusing to do so when asked is remarkably inconsiderate. I can’t think of any other way to convince to trim; withhold the oral sex. As long as it doesn’t cause any tension and as long as he knows explicitly why you’re not going down on him, he should hopefully get the message quickly.

Another point, make sure he knows that trimming makes the penis look noticeably bigger, and because there’s less hair covering up the sensitive nerve endings, sex is actually more pleasurable.

I hope that helps!

Love from Adam x

Kerri asked...

Ive never had good oral sex and i don't know if that's because of me or because the men going down on me. how can i know if i am missing out on something great and what can i do to intensify the feeling?

Is there a reason that i don't feel much pleasure?

Also, what are some good things for a guy to do down there to make it feel good - just so i can try that and see if it helps! Thanks :)

 

Hi Kerri,

A large part of receiving oral sex is actually knowing what you want and knowing how to ask for it – after all, how can he give you what you want if you don’t know yourself?

Luckily, this comes with experience and you can have a lot of fun finding out exactly what your body responds too. Try different positions (an all fours with him behind you, for example, or standing up with him kneeling), and experiment with different lubes and sensations.

There other ways to intensify the sensations too. A good way is to be blindfolded; removing your sense of sight heightens your other sensations, particularly your sense of touch and you might find this more pleasurable. You might like to try Orgasm Gel too, it can help intensify your pleasure.

Also, applying different sensations to different parts of your body can also help. It’s not for everyone, but nipple clamps have a very powerful effect on your sensations, and a Clit Clip helps expose your clitoris to make it easier for him to find.

Hope this helps Kerri!

Love from Eve x

Jonny asked...

hello my girlfriend says that she doesnt mind when i go down on her but i feel like shes not excited and that im not doing a good job is there any tips or ways to improve ?

 

Hi Jonny,

I talked to Adam about this, and he told me that you’re not alone. In fact, a lot of guys apparently enjoy performing oral sex but often aren’t quite sure how they’re doing; they don’t always know if they’re doing a good job or not.

I think the best way to handle this is to encourage your girlfriend to be more vocal, and to tell you when you’re doing well and what you can do better.

I can’t give you any direct tips because every girl is different and what i enjoy might be different from what your girlfriend enjoys. I would, however, recommend grabbing a copy of something like Oral Sex She’ll Never Forget. That book contains all the info you should need about how to please her.

Perhaps most importantly, the more you do it the better you’ll get, and if she says it’s fine and that she enjoys it, then don’t worry so much. You’re probably doing great.

Thanks!

Love from Eve x

Stressed asked...

Hi, my bf and I have been going out four months and already we've lost a spark in the bedroom, we're so good together, he's such a nice guy and we love each other he lost his virginity to me and things were going well until he was losing his erection, he said he had no idea why it was happening, then I started to think it was me.

We kept trying but now he can keep his erection but he comes within a few minutes I'm not even getting close, and he only does missionary and I feel like we have boring sex, having sex with him feels like a chore and he won't finish me off once he's came, he won't let me change positions because he'll come even earlier, I don't know what to do, because I feel there's no more passion between us, just feel like having sex is something he enjoys and it's starting to be something I don't.

Please help!!

 

Hi there,

This sounds like a confluence of different factors. Have you talked to him about your concerns? You need to do so before you do anything else, and try to talk to him about it away from the bedroom, away from sex entirely. While sex is not the be all and end all, it is important and it’s therefore important that he fully understands your concerns.

As for addressing the problem itself, a cock ring and some desensitising gels might help delay his orgasm, and a vibrating cock ring might offer you some pleasure too.

But in all honesty, the only way this problem can be fixed in the long term is through conversation. You deserve to enjoy sex every bit as much as he does, so make sure he knows that.

Thanks!

Love from Eve x

Sarah asked...

Hi, I have been with my husband for five years and have two delightful boys. Since having my second child sex have not been good between us. I have put on a lot of weight since my second child and feel embarrassed when naked, although my husband tells me all the time I am beautiful. The thing is I don't feel it!

How can I make it right for us both? Please help x

 

Eve

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for your question, it’s one I’ve heard a few times now so don’t worry, you’re not alone. While the road to full sexual recovery might be a long one (nothing’s ever perfectly straightforward!), there are some things you can do to help yourself.

You mention that you feel embarrassed when you’re naked? Then don’t be naked. Until you fully restore your confidence, why not grab a few sexy babydolls or long, flowing, flattering outfits that cover you up but are still seductive? He’ll love the way you look and you’ll feel more confident because you’re more covered up, so everyone wins.

More importantly, when you’re husband tells you you’re beautiful, believe him. You ARE beautiful.  

Love from Eve x

Sal asked...

My partner has an erection problem. For the past few months he gets semi-hard, but not hard enough for penetration. He has not lost interest in sex and we are both finding it very frustrating. He says he gets the "early morning" erection, but I have yet to see this, but even when it is semi-hard, as soon as he tries to enter me it shrivels away! We have had many years of successful sex (he is 66 and I am 50). 

Any ideas on what to do????

 

Hi Sal,

Thanks for the question! Here’s what you do: send your husband off to talk to the GP. It may be nothing, by the sudden onset of erectile dysfunction can be indicative of other health problems, so don’t hesitate. Your GP will be able to offer FAR better health advice than I can!

Good luck!

Love from Adam x

evaiie asked...

hi :)

This is the most embarrassing question i have ever asked anyone, but, here goes....how do i give a proper blowjob without gipping... :(

My boyfriend loves it but i can't ever seem to be comfy enough or do it that "deep" he says im the first person hat ever done it and he likes it but i never feel comfortable so any tips so i feel more confident n comfortable.

Also i hate the taste is there any help with that also :)

 

Hello!

Unfortunately, there’s no way to suppress the gag reflex; it’s a totally natural reaction and you can’t prevent it. However, with practice you can learn exactly where the point is that makes you gag, and don’t go any further than that if you don’t want to. There are some positions that might help; try kneeling with him standing in front of you, and try not to let him take too much control. (Also, it’s worth remembering that a lot of guys get quite turned on by gagging, so don’t assume it’s a bad thing for him!)

As for the taste, there’s a lot you can do about that. Flavoured lube is specifically designed to make naughty bits taste nice, so it’s worth grabbing some. Alternatively, pop a mint in your mouth before you go down on him. This will be nice and cool for him, and you won’t be able to taste anything unpleasant. Keep a drink close too; wine or lemonade, for example; is pretty good for making your mouth feel fresh.

Hope that helps, good luck!

Love from Eve x

Amy asked...

Hi Adam, Just a general question about boys and porn really!! How common is it for men in relationships to watch porn and adult channels like babestation?? I have a good relationship and I know my boyf watches stuff but it makes me really insecure and gives me the feeling I'm not good enough!! He says he doesn't do it often and its a 'man' thing but that doesn't seem to help!! Am I being silly?? Thank you Amy Xxx

 

Hi Amy, thanks for the question!

You know what? This kind of is a man thing. I’ve done it myself in perfectly healthy relationships, and I’ve thought a lot about why. My personal feeling is that porn and masturbation are inherently private things to most men: when we were young, it was something we did in secret, and we never quite break that habit. It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not sexually attracted to you, it simply means there are parts of his sexual desire that he can’t possibly share with you, because your presence disrupts his occasional longing for privacy.

I’m not sure I explained that very well, but the point is this: occasionally men want the privacy to watch porn. Maybe your boyfriend put it best; “it’s a man thing.” As long as it’s not disrupting your sex life, it shouldn’t be a big deal. Talk to him about it though.

Hope that gave you an insight?

Love from Adam x

douglas asked...

anal sex- how can i persuade the wife to have anal sex, ok i understand its not the be all and end all, but a good few times i have either put a butt plug up there (which she wont do either now) or a couple of fingers, when i do either she gets MEGA horny, so i know she must like it, not sure if its because she doesn't want to get too carried away or admits she likes it incase it becomes a regular thing.

We tried it once and she said it was to sore when i got it half way in, any suggestions?

 

Hi Douglas,

Good question, and it’s good that you realise it’s not the be all and end all, because it shouldn’t be. If she doesn’t want to do it, then I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do about that and if she’s genuinely dead set against it, you might just have to accept that.

If you’re trying to convince her though, then do it with a LOT of lube and a desensitising spray like this one. This will help to avoid any soreness. Also, and this isn’t the most responsible advice I’ve ever given but it’s honest, have a few glasses of wine before you start, and spend as much time on foreplay as you possibly can. Make sure she’s relaxed and totally in the mood.

Some people get a huge amount of pleasure out of anal sex. Some people just don’t. Everyone’s different, and you need to respect your wife’s wishes.

Hope that helps!

Love from Eve x

a customer asked...

I have been in my relationship for over 10 years. We have 3 beautiful children.

Problem Is we sleep in separate rooms. While he says the occasional I love you. I feel the spark has gone. I have tried leading and making an effort but feel that he is more happy down the pub and I am just a convenience to him. The one who cooks cleans etc...

Any ideas or should I just stand naked in front of him although I only get pulled faces of disgust!! Is enough enough !!

 

Hello Anonymous!

You’re encountering a problem that every couple faces at some point; I’ve faced it myself. The situation might be salvageable though, and to do that you’ll need to make it feel new again.

How? Consider a date night. Pack the kids off to your parents, go out to a restaurant, have some drinks, relax and learn to enjoy each other’s company once again. Flirt a little.

The separate beds suggest a loss of intimacy to me, and that’s common after children appear. So take every opportunity to slip away from the kids and spend some quality time together. The thing that helped me was a dirty weekend away; you might want to give that a try.

You might find you have to be... generous with your man to get him back in the mood for sex. You might have to treat him and spoil him to make him remember how much he enjoys sex with you.

We hope it gets better for you!

Love from Adam x

Ivan asked...

Hi,

Just want to ask if you have any tips on how I can stop coming too quickly when me and my wife have sex? Condoms help to inhibit the immediate urge a little, but my problem is that soon as I'm in there, it feels so damn amazing that I tend to lose total control! Thankfully my wife simply finds it funny, but any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks!

 

Hi there Ivan,

Yep, condoms are a good way to prolong sex, but there are plenty of other things you can try too. The simplest is probably a desensitising gel like Ann Summers’ Stamina Gel. This will reduce your sensitivity and might help you to last longer. A cock ring might help too; just make sure to choose a non-vibrating one like the RingO. Something simple and inexpensive.

There are additional things like breathing techniques that you might be interested to read up on, but it’s good to remember that sex isn’t just about penetration. You can prolong sex just with intimacy, foreplay, body contact and kissing. Spend as much time as you can pleasuring your partner just to ensure she’s satisfied.

Keep trying though; make a conscious effort to keep control next time you have sex. Masturbation can help you learn when you’re close to the edge and when to slow down or stop to postpone your orgasm.

Good luck, hope this helps!

Love from Adam x

Marie asked...

Hi Eve.

I'm 20 years old, never had a boyfriend but have had sex with around 21 men after losing my virginity at 16. Having a relationship has never really worried me until recently when I began to ask myself if I'd ever get a boyfriend after getting around so much?

Thanks.

 

Hi Marie,

Interesting question. My advice is simple: don’t worry too much about it. It’s pretty normal to go through a phase of promiscuity, particularly if you’re body confident and enjoy sex.

You have to remember that all the girls who have gone through the kind of phase you’re going through have eventually settled down and found someone who can satisfy their body and mind. There will be a guy out there who will not be intimidated by your past, and who will accept you for you, and will totally satisfy you. It’s just up to you when you want to start looking for him.

You’re still young, so you have all the time in the world to figure out exactly what it is you want from life. In my honest opinion, being with one person who stimulates you and knows you is far more rewarding than trying out a series of guys to see what they have to offer. Sex is better when it’s less frequent and higher quality: quality beats quantity hands down. But that’s just me.

Thanks, and good luck!

Love from Eve x

yvette asked...

Here goes but I'm so embarrassed!!

My partner loves oral, but i feel like i'm no good, he says i'm the only person that given him oral! But i'm not sure i do it right i can't get comfy and my gag reflex is set off when i go deep.

Is there any way i can pleasure him without my gag reflex' setting off :( xxx

 

Hi Yvette,

Thanks for your honesty! This is quite a straight forward answer: most men enjoy all oral sex, even if the partner performing it doesn’t feel like he or she knows what they are doing. There’s no way to do it wrong and in time you’ll grow in confidence and learn exactly what he enjoys most.

There’s no way that I know of to prevent the gag reflex, and the percentage of women with no gag reflex is very small. It just takes practice to learn how deep you can go.

In short, just enjoy yourself and enjoy the fact your partner is getting pleasure from it too.

Thanks again!

Love from Eve x

James asked...

Why are equal rights fought for to death by women, and then when it's catching a bug or lifting a heavy box or anything that perceived to be a male role etc... It's the man's job?

Does sexual equality really exist? Or was it some moody old hippy's in the sixties been annoying moaners?

 

Hi James,

Equal rights are about more than who catches spiders and lifts heavy boxes. I politely suggest you step down from your soapbox and stow it safely away until you’ve read up on the matter in more detail.

In fact, your question perfectly exemplifies the implicit sexism against which campaigners for equality fight.

 

Love from Adam x

fizzy asked...

hi,

my partner has a higher sex drive than me and i do try to keep up with her sex is great and cant complain but some days i feel worn out and she wants sex so i push her off and hate it coz i do love her we also have an 8 month old baby who takes most of my time.

Any advice on how to keep up with her?

 

Hi Fizzy,

I’m sure a lot of people can relate to your question. Unfortunately, there’s no magic pill you can take that will match your libido to hers. It’s great that you mentioned you love her; that’s the most important thing in all this.

Have you spoken to her about your concerns? If not, do so.

In the meantime, there are plenty of ways you can make sure she’s satisfied even if you’re not in the mood through the use of some well-chosen sex toys. The next time she wants you but you’re not in the mood, use the toys to bring her to climax. Keep up the intimacy and make sure she knows you love her, and don’t feel bad that your sex drive isn’t as high as hers. We’re all different, and you have love at the core of your relationship, and that’s what really matters.

Thanks!

Love from Eve x

Milly asked...

Hello Adam.

My b/f is a dominant in the bedroom and I'm not used to that. He forgets all the "niceties" and just goes for it. I have raised this issue with him several times but he fails to see what's wrong. He now wants to kick it up a few levels with pain being his motivator.

How do I turn the situation around before he goes too far?

 

Hello Milly!

Thanks for your question, unfortunately the answer is very complex because the issue of submission and domination is itself complex. The situation you’re describing is one that I’m familiar with, and you need to act fast and decisively before things get out of hand.

This is the most important thing you need to remember if you’re submissive in the bedroom: just because you’re submissive doesn’t mean you have to give up any kind of control in the bedroom. A lot of submissive partners tend to think that they have to relinquish any rights and any power in a relationship, but it doesn’t need to be that way. You shouldn’t ever feel like you’re being bullied, and it sounds to me, as a dominant kind of guy myself, that the problem lies entirely with his behaviour and not yours.

Being a good dom is more than simply being abusive, sadistic and selfish. It’s much more about understanding the psychology and subtleties of dominance and submission; it’s possible to be dominant and compassionate at the same time. If his interest in this kind of lifestyle is serious, he needs to educate himself on how to do it well – especially now he’s developing an interest in more painful activities.

Since you’re not used to his dominant behaviour, I’m assuming you’re not necessarily a submissive. If you have no interest in exploring these sexual power roles, then you may simply not be compatible, especially if he’s not willing to rein his dominance in.

You said you’d spoken to him and he doesn’t see anything wrong. You need to explain that there is something very wrong with his behaviour, if he’s pushing you to do things with which you’re uncomfortable.

It’s a difficult situation, don’t be afraid to get back in touch for more advice and information.

Good luck, stay safe.

 

Love from Adam x

Natasha asked...

Have you got any tips that me and my boyfriend can use because my boyfriend doesn't like going down on me and he doesn't like to use flavour lube either.

Have you got any tips for us please?

 

Hey Natasha,

Tricky one, I’m sorry to hear that your boyfriend doesn’t like going down on you. My first piece of advice would have been to try flavoured lube, but you say he doesn’t like that. So how about this: refuse to go down on him until he starts doing it back. You might be surprised at just how quickly he discovers that he loves going down on you. If he wants you to perform oral sex on him without performing it on you, that’s really selfish and unfair.

But, in all seriousness, you can’t force him to do something he doesn’t want to in the bedroom. All I can suggest is that you make yourself as clean and pretty down there as you can, and then tell him it’s important to you. If you can convince him to do it, try to be encouraging, be vocal, let him know he’s doing a good job. He’ll be more likely to do it in the future if you show how much you enjoy it, and hopefully he’ll learn to enjoy it too.

Good luck!

Love from Eve x

sarah asked...

Hi, I've been with my partner 4 years, i have never been able to have an orgasm through sex no matter what we try, different positions ect, I can orgasm through foreplay.

Can u help me? Are there any tips or things we can try ?

Thank you.

 

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for the question!

The vast majority of women struggle to reach orgasm through penetrative sex, since you’re not alone. Since you know can orgasm through foreplay, concentrate on that. But don’t think of it as foreplay, make time for it during sex and afterwards too.

If you’re trying to achieve a simultaneous orgasm with your partner – which is tricky but absolutely worth it – then I recommend the We-Vibe 3. You slip it in and it vibrates against your clitoris and your G-spot simultaneously while you have sex. I don’t want to sound like a salesman here, but I have one and it’s fantastic. A worthwhile investment if you want to orgasm during penetrative sex.

Hope that’s of use to you!

Love from Adam x

alison asked...

I'm in love with a man i left my husband for.

We still see each other but he never texts me anymore, he used to all day long when i was with my husband. it seems he only texts now just for sex.

Am i being stupid that it can be more than sex? We have fantastic sex by the way!!!!

 

Hi Alison,

As a man myself, I’m often very cynical about the motives of other men. It sounds to me a little bit like he was comfortable when you were in a relationship, because he had no responsibilities and no chance of being rejected. That’s a common trick us men subconsciously use. Now that you’re out of your marriage, he might be intimidated by the new commitment he has to you. If you really love him, then you might have to go at his pace until he’s comfortable again. Try to relax him, assure him that you’re happy to take things slow. You’ll hopefully discover that he’ll come back to being himself around you if he doesn’t feel pressured into it.

BUT: do not let yourself get walked all over.

Don’t read too much into the text thing; it might not mean anything at all. People are very busy at this time of year, and the texts might pick up again in the new year.

Hope this information is useful to you!

Love from Adam x

Milly asked...

Hi, Eve,

I have been meaning to talk to somebody about this for ages. I've been together with my boyfriend for more than 2 years now and he was my first. We're in a long distance relationship though so our sex life isn't that regular.

The thing is I can't reach an orgasm- I think the problem is in me, I am never wet enough and we always use lube. We've tried different positions and take time with the foreplay but it just doesn't work. I recently bought a vibrator and a cock ring from Ann Summers and will try them with my boyfriend, I hope it helps!

Can you give me any other advise? Thank you, Milly

 

Hi there Milly,

Thanks for the question! You’re really not alone; the amount of women who can orgasm through penetrative sex is very low, something like 13% I think. Almost all women require clitoral stimulation during sex to reach climax, so the toys you’ve bought are a step in the right direction. This probably isn’t a “problem” that’s “in you” at all, it just takes experience and patience to learn what your body wants and needs to reach a climax.

Masturbation is the best way to learn your body. Take it very slow, and don’t feel bad about using lube. That’s what it’s for after all: if we didn’t all need it sometimes it wouldn’t exist.

Just to reiterate, this isn’t really a problem and the more you think it is, the more difficult it will become. Talk to your partner and encourage him to let you explore your body while you’re together. If he’s inexperienced too than you’ll have to do the hard work yourself, and by watching how you touch yourself, he’ll quickly learn how to touch you too.

Hope this is useful!

 

Love from Eve x

Jade asked...

Hi!

I have a question similar to that of Lisa's, I have also fallen for my best friend who has a girlfriend. I know it was wrong and all that but hey ho it happened anyway, he says they're not happy and he wants to end it with her as he's sick of the arguing but doesn't have the guts to hurt her.

Then a few weeks ago they found out that she's pregnant so now i feel like he's never going to leave her because of the responsibility he is now going to have. He's not very pleased about the pregnancy at all and I feel like if he doesn't do what he really wants then he's going to be stuck in a relationship he's not happy in.

I've always been there to support him but just cant make him see that what hes doing isn't helping anyone including himself. Also I cant help but have that gut feeling that he wants us both, which im not willing to let happen.

Please help??

 

Hi Jade,

That’s a difficult situation, and as I kind of hinted to Lisa, the most important person in this relationship is now the baby. The mother will need all the support she can get; even if he’s not happy in the relationship, he now has an obligation and a responsibility to make sure the child has the best start in life he or she possibly can, and any other concern should be secondary.

I’m sorry for the brutal home truth that follows, but he sounds like he’s having his cake and eating it too; he sounds like he wants you both. He’s told you he’s not happy with his girlfriend but, I mean, he was happy enough with her to get her pregnant. That is incredibly irresponsible, reckless, selfish and almost unforgivable.

You’re facing some decisions in which people will inevitably get hurt. The hard question you need to ask is this: is the relationship you think you can have your best friend genuinely worth all the stress, hassle and hurt that will inevitably come with it? Is this a situation you want to get in the middle of?

It’s not going to be easy, whatever route you decide to take, so good luck and be strong.

Love from Eve x

Cam asked...

So having become recently single after 10yrs I am enjoying a number of different men at the moment (responsibly). One thing they do have in common is shaving their pubes. Discussing this with friend we started wondering how common this is these days.

Does everyone shave? What's the percentage of guys that do it? And what about the girls? I'd guess it's very common. My friends thinks not. We'd love to know.

Cheers! 

 

Hi Cam,

Brilliant question! I don’t know the exact percentage of guys who shave, but I’m pretty sure you might be surprised by how common it is these days. A lot of sexually active men at least trim, especially younger guys. I would hazard a complete guess that around 40% of men in my age group (18-30) at least trim, and way more have at least tried it.

It’s even more common in women. I don’t want to go into gory details, but I can’t remember the last time I was with a girl who wasn’t well kept. Full shaving is not quite as common as trimming, but it’s still quite common.

Incidentally, I put this question to my twitter followers. Out of dozens of replies I received, not a single one said “I don’t trim at all”.

Hope this helps.

Love from Adam x

Lee asked...

I have tried and tested almost every seduction technique sexy underwear body language etc etc. To no avail.

What is the best way to get a man's attention? I have even tried straight talking as well as flirty texts!

 

Hi Lee,

Every man is different and every man responds to different seduction techniques. Is it a specific man you’re targeting, or just men in general?

I can only speak from personal preference really, and there’s nothing I find sexier than quiet confidence. I think the trick is to not try too hard. Just relax, be yourself, and eventually the perfect guy for you will find you naturally.

I’m not sure my answer helps very much, but good luck!

Love from Adam x

dannii asked...

hi eve when me and my boyfriend have sex it's EXPLOSIVE like dynamite OMG but when I'm about to cum i ask him is he ready to come but he always holds it in and he would rather me cum first.

I'm wondering why he is holding it in. I'm having to ask him to cum but he concentrates so much in giving me what i want then just doesn't cum which isn't much fun to me. What's wrong with me or him?

 

Hi Dannii

There’s nothing wrong with either of you. In fact, you should be grateful that he’s so considerate of your pleasure - your problem is one that most of us would be happy with!

Contrary to popular belief, not all men think they have to have an orgasm to feel like they’ve had great sex. A lot of men, particularly those that are good in bed, can happily have sex without an orgasm and still enjoy it. But still, it’s worth talking to him about it. Better still, tell him to orgasm the next time you have sex, or make him orgasm. Tell him you want him to climax first. It will be difficult for him to say no to that!

Good luck!

Love from Eve x

jay asked...

hi adam!

I have just noticed over the last couple of days my long term boyfriend has become quite distant and cold. He isn't the sort of person to talk about his feelings and he isn't a touchy feely guy. But I've noticed for instance I am the only one initiating sex, a lack of touching in general (which he was always quite cheeky with like a pinched bum ;-)), distance in bed (no spooning, for example) and paranoid as it sounds I feel like he isn't kissing me back.

I'm not sure how to approach this and I've asked him several times if he is okay and if anything is bothering him, which he answered "no" of course. We have a great relationship and we are very open and honest with each other. As its only been about 4 days when this has been going on I don't know what to make of it.

Do I tell him my concerns and how I feel or just see what happens?

 

Hi Jay,

I’ve had a few questions like yours lately. There must be something in the air, something effecting only men.

Talk to him about it. Don’t try to ride it out. If he has any real concerns or anything like that, then ignoring them will make them fester and that’s not good for anyone. You’ll probably find he has some stresses or pressures that he’s reluctant to talk about, very possibly money worries, given the time of year. I know worrying about money can make me behave like your boyfriend sometimes.

Just approach it casually, don’t make him feel defensive or you won’t get the honest answers out of him.

Good luck!

Love from Adam x

Inken asked...

Hello, I want to spice things up in the bedroom but I'm not confident enough to suggest anything and I want it to be just me and my fiancee.

Could you give me any tips or tricks?

 

Hi Inken,

There is literally no end to the ways in which you can liven things up in the bedroom. Ann Summers stock dozens of books published to give you the tips and tricks you want, and you can have a browse here: http://www.annsummers.com/c/gifts-giggles/books

The more pressing question is the one of confidence. You need to think hard about exactly what it is you want to try, and then communicate it to your partner because if you don't know what you want, you'll never get it. If you’re worried about talking face to face about your desires, then a tip that I know works is to write a short letter to your partner, outlining your fantasies. Tell him to read it at work, when you’re not around, and then talk to him about it afterwards.

Hope you find this useful, and good luck!

Love from Eve x

james asked...

My partner and I have lived together for nearly 17 years now. She's 57 and I am 48. Last week,I thought I would see if she was in the mood for a little fun. She said no at first saying our son would be home from college soon and then said, at nearly 60, she is getting that way that she will be losing interest because of her age.

I don't think she is too old for sex. Is this common for women of that age do you think?

 

Hi James,

Everyone’s different, and every woman will have different experiences as they age. Some woman actually experience a vastly increased libido unexpectedly at that age, others don’t. It’s impossible for us to say.

What we can say though is that if she’s in the mindset that she is expecting to lose interest in sex, then she will make that happen – albeit accidentally.

The key is to engage with her about it, and do some reading. Without wishing to sound presumptuous, there is a lot of material out their regarding sex during and after the menopause. Read some yourself, and encourage her to read some too. This might be a good place to start for some basic information: http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/womenshealth/facts/sexmenopause.htm

Hope this helps!

Love from Eve x

Nicola asked...

Hi I was looking for advice. My bf seems to have gone off sex for past few months and he says he's tired all the time and I try dressing up baths and encouraging him but nothing works. It's getting me down a I think it's me. He watches porn so I know he still enjoys sex.

Any advice that can help? Thanks

 

Hello Nicola, sorry to hear about your concerns.

As with so much advice I’ve given so far, the solution to your problem is communication. You need to talk to him, and if he doesn’t want to talk about it you need to force him. He might have concerns you haven’t even considered that are causing him to lose interest in sex. Find out what those problems are and fix them. The sex will follow.

Also, drag him away to a hotel or a B&B for a filthy weekend, and let him know what he’s missing by not having sex with you. Make him remember how much he enjoys you.

Hope that helps!

Love from Adam x

sarah asked...

hi Adam have you got any tips on great blowjobs in detail pls is it nice slow or fast is it still pleasureful wen going up n down the cock really fast thanks

 

Hi Sarah!

Every guy is different, and every guy enjoys different sensations. The trick is to pick up on the little signs your man is giving you. Listen to his breathing, and feel the way his body responds. Talk to him, ask him to tell you what he wants.

If he’s nervous about talking, then just start really, really slow and build the pace up very gradually. That never fails.

Thanks!

Love from Adam x

Jessica asked...

I have been meeting up with a guy I like for sex in a friends with benefits sort of way. I like him more than I want to, because only a year ago I got out of a really awful relationship. The problem is this guy I like is very hot and cold and he is a self proclaimed idiot because every time I see him out he walks off and acts really ignorant.

We have both stated we don't want a relationship but I keep thinking that if I ever did I wouldn't mind getting to chill with him. I'm the one that always chases him when I see him in clubs but the other day he spent almost a full day at mine and it felt really good. I just don't know where to take it from here. I don't want to come across pushy but I still want to meet him now and again in a casual way. Would a guy hang around after sex if he wasn't really interested in you? I keep thinking maybe he was just being polite. But I know I won't hear from him again for a long while.

I'd love to know how to master the playing hard to get rule and control my emotions so that I come across as carefree as most other people. Have you got any tips?

 

Hi Jessica,

I have to be really, really blunt with you: it sounds like you’re setting yourself up to get hurt and if I were you, I would think very hard about walking away. Self-proclaimed idiots are still idiots, even if they openly admit it.

Don’t let yourself get played. You’re worth more than that.  Remember how much you respect yourself, because yes, a guy in a casual sex relationship will hang around after sex even if he has no intention of taking the relationship anywhere, because that’s a good way to ensure the sex continues. He knows he’s on to a good thing with you, and he has all the power in your relationship. Take some power back. Walk away, see if he chases. If he does, perhaps things might work out well. If he doesn’t, at least you didn’t get hurt.

I’m sorry this is such brutal advice, but we can’t let the idiots win.

Love from Adam x

Leona asked...

Hi Adam, I have been seeing a guy for quite a few months now; we have tried to have sex twice, everything's fine until it comes down to actually getting to it. He seems to lose his erection and I was wondering if there's anything either of us could do to avoid this? He is a virgin so I wondered if maybe it was just down to nerves?

 

Hi Leona,

Sounds like nerves to me, a pretty common thing that happens to most guys in their lives – particularly when they don’t have much experience.

It’s a frustrating problem and the longer it continues, the more self-conscious he’ll feel about it. It’s a vicious circle, but one that can be broken if you act quickly. You’ll have to be quite selfless for a while, but it’ll be worth it in the long run.

Here are some pointers.

Don’t make a big deal out of it, even if it is one to you. He needs his ego stroked and his confidence built for a while.

Do keep trying. If he manages to do it once, the problem should not happen again.

Take things slow and direct all your attention to him. Make him feel sexy and wanted.

Be patient. If you really like him, it might take some time.

If all else fails: Viagra.

Hope that helps!

Love from Adam x

Louise asked...

Hi Eve, I was just wondering if you could give me some advice concerning my sex life at the moment. In short, it's actually good, I'm with a man I really love and we're both really adventurous when it comes to sex (which works out really well!) but our problem is he gets put off foreplay etc because I take a lot of time to relax and to eventually orgasm, so he says he feels useless. Obviously with this happening as well, if we ever do try foreplay focussing on just me I feel put under pressure, which delays it even further. We've tried talking about it and trying different things, but in 4 years I've only been able to orgasm once with him and I can tell it really hurts him as he feels he's doing something wrong... what should we do? Another problem we have related to this is that, when we do have sex, I try to tell him things I like etc (I'm not shy so that doesn't bother me) but I feel like once we get started he kind of forgets that there's two people involved, if you know what I mean? I find myself pretty much constantly left to deal with myself, so to speak, once he's finished and it makes me feel so low... I've tried telling him this but he doesn't realise how badly it really affects me and I don't know what to do to let him know that things need to change.

 

Hi Louise,

That’s a very complex question. The solution is communication. I know you’ve already tried that, but you need to make sure he knows exactly how you feel. It’s important to have the conversation with him away from the bedroom, not immediately after sex, but at a neutral time. It’s not going to be an easy conversation, but it’s one that you need to have with him if you want things to change for the better.

Since you say you’re both adventurous, I assume you’ve already tried toys? Using a vibe during foreplay will help you relax and get in the mood quicker, and might even begin to help you achieve orgasms quicker.

How about setting some time aside to make you orgasm before sex? Grab some porn and play it in the background, then just pleasure yourself and let him join you and help you. (The porn will take some of his attention off you while you try to relax.)

To reiterate, this is a problem that can only be fixed with communication. You need to make him understand that you enjoy sex, but you feel like you could be getting more out of it. If he can learn to change his ways a little bit, he’ll enjoy it even more too in the long term.

Thanks, and good luck!

Love from Eve x

natasha asked...

is it true that a man can have an orgasm with a bad blow job?

 

There’s no such thing as a bad blowjob. Blowjobs are like pizzas; even when they’re bad they’re still pretty good.

Love from Adam x

Katie Rae asked...

how do you stop red dots coming up after shaving between your legs area? x

 

Hi Katie!

Ah, that age old problem. Honestly, the more often you do it, the more your body gets used to it so do it regularly. Eventually, you should see less and less dots. Make sure the hair is as short as possible before shaving by trimming it with clippers first.

Shave while you’re in the bath or the shower, and use a shaving gel rather than a shaving foam to soften the coarse hairs and protect your sensitive skin. Carefully shave in the direction of the hair’s growth, then clean the area with normal soap and exfoliate. Complete the process by moisturising thoroughly with an unscented moisturiser.

If you try this process and still have shaving rash, you might want to consider waxing – if you’re feeling brave!

Hope this helps!

Love from Eve x

Eva asked...

Hey Adam! How are you doing? I got a question. My bf can't come.. some time he could..like once a week. But now he can't at all. Even in my bum. He uses antidepressants, and always feels tired because of low blood pressure. .is it can be the reason why? Or it can be something else? Thank you!

 

Hi Eva,

 

I’m good thanks! Yes, that’s probably the reason why. Most men struggle to orgasm even on painkillers.

 

But sex isn’t all about the orgasm, and if your sex life is healthy otherwise (and it certainly sounds like it is), then try not to let it become an issue. Make the foreplay the central event, just enjoy each other’s bodies. It’s the rest of the relationship that’s more important around the sex.

 

Hope that helps!

Love from Adam x

lisa asked...

I have fallen for my best friend who has been married for 15 yrs ---- he says he loves me as i do him but he is going to relate with his wife to c if there's anything of their marriage to save they don't trust each other and don't believe what the other says !!!!!!! He's asked me to wait for him coz things really aren't gd at home for him I'm 36 he's 37 I don't know what to do as i love him but feel that he's having his cake and eating it--- plz help so confused as to whether he does want me or if I'm just kidding myself this has been going on for 7 weeks now and I'm so fed up of being on the sidelines when he's trying at home with someone who doesn't love him or want him !!!!!!!!!! Thanks Lisa.

 

Hi Lisa,

 

Hmm, tricky one. The problem with men is that we’re indecisive and we’re scared of change – even when we know it will be good for us.

 

Without knowing all the ins and outs of your predicament, it’s hard for me to give really specific advice. But I can offer some general advice that might help.

 

7 weeks might feel like a long time, but in the long term it might be worth the wait. What you need to do is set a deadline by which he needs to have committed to a decision. If that time passes without a decision, then walk away and focus on making yourself happy another way. Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of being his “safety net”.

 

You can choose whether or not to tell him this deadline.

 

Most importantly though, you need to talk to him. A lot. The more he talks to you, the clearer his thinking will become and the easier it will be for him to make a decision.

 

Hope this helps Lisa, and good luck.

Love from Adam x

Adam asked...

What is the best way to spank your lover? I'm worried about hurting my girlfriend and leaving marks, she's bought a Triple Heart Spanker from Ann Summers and I'm worried that I will hurt her too much?

 

Hi Adam,

 

Spanking takes practice, but it’s a lot of fun so don’t be nervous about it, just enjoy it. The Heart Spanker is a fantastic paddle, and since she bought it, that might be a clue that she actually wants you to leave a couple of little marks. Besides, the Heart Spanker is designed in a way that you can’t do any damage with it.

 

Here are a couple of pointers.

 

Warm her bum up a bit first by rubbing and stroking it with the palm of your hand. Give a few pats to start to bring the blood to the surface (if the skin is cold, she might not enjoy it so much. It’s important that she’s warm).

Take the paddle and press it against her skin. Give it a few taps to let her know what to expect. Then press it back into the skin so that when you raise your arm to spank her she knows to brace herself. Vary between hard spanks and tender pats for different sensations, and to let her skin recover between spanks.

 

Agree a safeword beforehand so she can stop it if she’s unhappy, and use a little baby lotion on her skin afterwards.

 

With practice, you’ll both learn to love it.

 

Love from Eve x

mj asked...

Im single, and thinking of treating myself to a toy I read the previous question about Rampant Rabbit but wondered 2 things.... Can using a toy "desensitise" you in other words you not enjoy the real thing as much ? Secondly, as I am quite small - would using a large toy - "stretch" me?? Sorry they are quite intimate questions but I dont feel I could ask a sales girl in a shop Thanks xxx

 

Hello MJ,

 

Interesting question. In short, no, a toy won’t desensitize you. In fact it will do the opposite, it will help you find out entirely new sensations and pleasures you never even knew about. And the best bit is that the more you use them, the more pleasurable they become!

 

To answer your second question, yes, a big toy will eventually “stretch” you – but the toy would have to be REALLY big to do that. None of the toys at Ann Summers are anywhere near big enough to do that, not even with frequent use.

 

Hope that helps, and good luck with your new toy!

 

P.S. – we recommend this one, The Little Shaking One. http://www.annsummers.com/p/rampant-rabbit-the-little-shaking-one/07scrtas1032043

 It’s small, powerful, and perfect for beginners.

Love from Eve x

Sarah asked...

I have been on my own now for a couple of years now and feel I am ready for a relationship. I am a curcy girl and everyone says I have a fabulous personality so why am I not getting any dates?

 

Hi Sarah,

 

That all depends on how and where you’re trying. Dating websites can be an excellent way to meet guys, but you sometimes have to be patient to meet the right person. If you do decide to go on a date with someone you’ve met online, always remember to be safe, meet in a public place and let someone know where you are going.

 

They say that you’re more likely to meet someone when you’re not trying, so just relax and try not to get impatient. You sound like you have a lot to offer, so you’ll find the right person eventually. Don’t force it!

 

Good Luck!

Love from Eve x

K asked...

I've been with my gorgeous and stunningly beautiful wife for 22 years and she only recently admitted that she only responds sexually when I'm dominant as she is submissive (she's an articulate and highly educated professional 'outside' the bedroom) - apparently I should have 'known' lol. Anyway, since then our already good sex life has just taken off BIG time and I'm working hard to keep up!. I want therefore to explore more with her and I'm interested in finding good websites for porn, not the usual 'two-girls-with-one-guy' predictable stuff but something that explores the sub/dom themes or fantasies etc. so I can explore ideas and also share the erotic experience with her. However, I'm anxious about trawling the net for such sites as I worry about finding inappropriate sites by accident but more especially, getting hit with viruses and Trojans and stuff. Where can I find reputable sites that may also be 'female friendly'. I like the mind games as much as the physical stuff and just want to inject more into something that's already exciting. Any advice you could offer would be great. Thank you. Kenneth

 

Hi Kenneth,

 

Great question and one that’s close to my own heart. While I’m prohibited to linking to adult sites from this forum, rest assured there are plenty of reputable sites from which you can gain real inspiration. They are out there, and they are good.

 

You seem pretty computer savvy, so you might want to get on twitter if you’re not already (or set up a kink account if you already have a ‘vanilla’ account) and search for likeminded souls. You’ll find them quickly by searching terms like submissive/dominant and other BDSM terms like those.

 

From the friends you will quickly make there, you’ll soon learn which are the best erotic sites to visit. Tumblr is another great resource for erotic sub/dom imagery, and it’s a reputable site. Try browsing the images you find separately and emailing them to each other throughout the day; this is a great way to feel sexy together and also to learn what her tastes are and what desires she has that she might not be able to tell you about directly.

 

Read blogs too. There are countless great BDSM and porn-themed blogs to find.

 

Hope that helps!

Love from Eve x

Tom asked...

You recently addressed a question from Anon about anal sex. I've read your response and taken that all on board, but my question refers to the 'messiness'. Can anything be done in advance to make things cleaner (and how much) and are there any 'after effects' that we need to be aware of? Thank you.

 

Hi Tom

 

Personal hygiene is always important, and particularly so with anal sex. A douche will help; use a little warm water, that’ll put you in good stead.

 

Thanks!

 

Love from Eve x

Louise asked...

My man's just not interested anymore. I moved in over summer and we never had the phase of "Wow we can have sex whenever we want!" - I've tried the subtle approach, i've tried the not subtle approach (standing in the door way in my best lingerie combo) and it's just "I'm tired". We've never really had an overly active relationship but whenever I came over at the weekends we'd have sex, but now we live together, he just has no desire. I've tried talking to him too but nothing helps. What am I doing wrong? Or is it even me?

 

Hi Louise!

 

Sorry to hear about your man, but all is not lost. Us men are strange creatures: while he’s probably happy to be with you, he’s probably experiencing feelings of a loss of freedom. I’ve had the same thing myself. Men can be really happy in a stable relationship, but still feel a strange sense of resentment that their territory is no longer theirs and theirs alone.

 

Here’s a tip that worked for me.

 

Sit down with him and gently explain that you love him and you want to be more intimate with him. Then set a date, go away for a weekend. Make sure he knows that you want to have sex on that weekend, but also make sure it’s not the sole focus of the trip.

 

The point is this: getting him out of his own territory will re-balance the relationship in your favour for a while. He won’t feel the pressure that someone is intruding on his space, and he’ll be able to relax more. Get a couple of drinks in him (responsibly), have some fun, then head back to the hotel.

 

In direct answer to your question, you’re not doing anything wrong and it isn’t you, and with some careful, tactful planning, he’ll rediscover his pleasure and desire for sex.

 

Hope that helps!

Love from Adam x

melanie asked...

hi there i am 23 n got 4 kids after my 4th my sex drive has just gone n my confidence has gone is there any way you could advise me on how to maybe get some sex drive bk lol x

 

Hi Melanie,

 

It’s pretty common for women to experience a loss of sex drive and body-confidence after having kids, but there are plenty of things that might help.

 

Sex drive and confidence are closely linked; if one goes up, so will the other and if one goes down, the other will too. The easiest one to address is the sex drive because it’s possible to kick-start your sex drive, but hard to kick-start confidence.

 

Try getting yourself a little bullet vibrator, nothing expensive or fancy, and when the kids are asleep and you have some time to yourself (maybe during a shower or bath?) turn the vibe on and use it gently on yourself. Even if you’re not feeling sexy or horny, it can help your body begin to remember pleasure, and that will re-start your desire for sex. It might take some time and practice, but it’s the kind of practice most of us enjoy!

 

Once your body starts to feel those pleasurable chemicals beginning to return, everything else will follow. I know it’s difficult with four kids, but maybe get a hobby; even hitting the gym for an hour a week to start with can do wonders for your self confidence.

 

I hope it works out for you. If it doesn’t, then come back and tell us and we’ll try another approach!

Love from Adam x

simone asked...

How can I get my partner to last longer in bed?

 

Hi Simone,

 

This is a question that we get asked a lot, and there are countless things you can do to help.

 

Concentrating on foreplay will help; take advantage of his more generous moods by getting him to concentrate on pleasuring you for longer. If he can bring you to orgasm then great, that’ll help you feel more fulfilled even if the rest of the sex is over quickly. After all, sex isn’t just about penetration, it’s about pleasure and intimacy and fun.

 

There are a couple of other tactics you can try too. Encourage him to wear a condom if he’s not already, because this will reduce the friction for him and make him less sensitive.

 

Similarly, encourage him to try a desensitising gel (Ann Summers has one called Stamina Gel). These are numbing agents that reduce his sensitivity and make him less responsive to sexual contact. A cock ring might help too – but not a vibrating one as these can induce his orgasm even quicker.

 

Keep at it; the more practice he gets the better he’ll become at judging his own body!

 

Thanks, hope that helps!

Love from Eve x

Mr young asked...

hi Eve me and my girlfriend of 2 years and 7 months (i asked her to marry me last xmas she said yes). we have not had sex yet.when we started to go out i wanted to have sex with her but could not get myself to do her or to go down on her. now i want to have sex with her but now she does not want to (she does but as gone shy) i tell her all the time she is sexy and i like her the way she is i said i can wait as long as it takes her. she as been having a bad time at work and when she talks about it it makes her more up set would having sex help her forget her work i would like your help

 

Hi Mr. Young,

 

Congratulations on your engagement!

 

Short answer: yes, it would help her. Sex is a great way to relax and unwind, and because it has the effect of bringing couples closer together, it might also help her to feel more secure at home – thereby detracting from the pressures of work.

 

Thanks, we hope this helps!

Love from Eve x

Jamie asked...

hi Eve im getting my girlfriend a toy the Rampant Rabbit The Little Shaking One but she as not had a toy befor. The girl from the ann summers shop in preston said she would go with the toy im getting as its not too big for her. How do you think i can ask her if i can help her use it on her help

 

Hi there Jamie,

Interesting question. The Little Shaking One is a great choice for first-timers – so you’re already in good stead.

If you’ve never used toys together, there are a few things you can try.

Perhaps make an event of it. Set the mood with quiet music and scented candles, then move to the bedroom and present her with the rabbit. If you’ve experimented with blindfolds before then perhaps put one on her – if you haven’t now might be a good time to try. A work tie or any soft cloth will do if you don’t have a blindfold. Switch the rabbit on and make sure she’s comfortable. Stroke the rabbit up her thigh – you can do this under the duvet if she’s nervous. When you’re sure she’s happy and relaxed then slowly move on to more intimate use. As long as she’s comfortable and you’re taking things slow, she should enjoy the sensations.

However, if you’re not comfortable taking control like that, then just ask her if you can help her with it. I know that’s easier said than done, but you’ve already done the hardest part by buying her the toy in the first place!

Thanks for the question, and we hope you both enjoy your new Rabbit!

Love from Eve x

Lianne asked...

Hi Eve, My current boyfriend is on the small side, and I am finding him to be just too small. Does that mean I am "loose" or can a guy be just too small? Love, Lianne

 

Hi Lianne,

Thanks for your very honest question.

It sounds like it’s a combination of those two things: his size AND your size.

Now the good news - and it really is good news. There’s a lot of things you can do to help this situation.

Him:

Encourage him to wear a cock ring, around his testicles and the base of his penis. This will help him make the best use his size: it helps the blood vessels to expand and will make him as big as he can be. You could also try a penis sleeve. While they’re not the most glamorous toys, they will help him add the extra reach you desire.

You:

Try duo balls and kegel exercises. These can help strengthen your pelvic muscles and with regular use you might quickly start to notice a difference.

Best of luck!

Love from Eve x

Paul asked...

my wife will not wear anything remotely sexy she has a great body but thinks shes ugly what can i do to convince her otherwise

 

Hi Paul,

Thanks for the question, and we love your attitude.

We recommend going shopping together. Make sure there’s no pressure and take your time browsing. See if there’s anything she sees that she likes or anything that catches her eye.

We would recommend a basque, a babydoll or a chemise to begin with. These are still incredibly gorgeous items but they tend to be more flattering and cover a lot more. Tell her how gorgeous she looks; help to build her confidence by showing her just how much you love her new look! If she feels confident in this kind of lingerie, then you might eventually begin to encourage her to try other, more daring items.

We hope this helps!



 

Love from Eve x

Anon asked...

Hi Eve,

My boyfriend wants to try anal sex, but I've never done it before and I'm really not that keen on the thought of it.

What can I do to make it easier?

Hi Anonymous Question Asker!

Look, there should be no pressure on you to do it if you don't want to. It's not exactly the bedrock of a good relationship, and if you're not sure about it then tell him so. It's not something you should feel like you have to do to keep him happy, and he should respect that.

Having said that, some girls fall in love with it after they've tried it and if you've given it some serious thought and decided you want to try it, then there are three great ways to make it pleasurable. Here they are.

  1. Take Time

    Take Control. Ensure you get loads of attention during foreplay; you'll want to be as relaxed and as horny as possible, and he'll need to be really hard too. Find a comfortable position: for some it's lying on your side with him behind, spooning. For others, doggie-style feels more comfortable. Then, breathe deeply and take things really, really, really slow.

  2. Communicate

    Tell him what feels good, what feels bad and how to move. Until you're fully relaxed, you need to be communicating a lot. (It helps if you tell him he's doing well from time to time!).

  3. LUBE

    Forget about the sheets and the mess: you need to use as much lube as possible. That's the golden rule. Lube, lube and more lube.

Don't feel bad if you don't enjoy it, it's not for everyone and not everyone's a Pornstar. But it's worth trying. If you feel brave and you're curious, give it a try.

Love from Eve x

Julie asked...

Hi Adam,

After a long time being single (and having a large collection of sex toys as a result!) I've just entered a relationship with a new fella.

We've never talked about toys or anything and I'm not sure how he'll react when he sees mine. Some of them are a quite big.

Will he be intimidated?

Hmm, tricky one.

If you'd have asked us this question 20 years ago, we'd have said 'yes', it might have caused a problem. But men's attitudes have changed a lot recently, and men are aware that most women own at least one pleasure product.

Having said that, it kind of depends on his character and his self-confidence. If he's a confident guy, then there probably won't be a problem. If he's incredibly shy by nature, then seeing your larger toys could potentially lead to feelings of inadequacy, and he'll need to be broken in gently.

As with so much in sex, it just comes down to communication. When you feel like the time is right and your relationship is quite secure, try to lead the conversation onto sex toys, and let him know that you own some. Be open about them; it's far better that he hears about them from you rather than accidentally stumbling across them when you're not around.

If you feel like he is intimidated by them, make it clear that size really isn't everything, and the sensations that he can offer you are completely different from the sensations your toys offer. He's pleasurable in a way that your toys can never be, and make sure he knows that he's every bit as satisfying, if not more so, as your favourite toys.

We hope this helps!

Love from Adam x

Louise asked...

Hi Ann Summers!

I have a bit of a difficult problem. I had a baby a year ago, and since then I just haven't been feeling... horny at all.

My libido is gone and I have a problem with dryness. I know my husband is keen to restart our sex life and I feel like I want to, but it's been so long now that I don't even know how to get started, if you know what I mean.

Is there anything I can do?

Ooh, great question Louise!

First off, it's important to understand that you're not alone when you feel like this; a LOT of women lose their sex drive after they give birth. It will eventually return naturally and you'll be back to your normal, horny self before you know it.

But we also know that this situation can put some real pressure on a relationship at a time - with a newborn baby - when you could really do without any additional pressure and stress, so there's no harm in trying to speed the recovery process up a bit. There are loads of fun and sexy things you can try, here are a few ideas.

  • First, lube. Most women experience vaginal dryness for a while after they give birth, so pick up a good, skin friendly lubricant. Play it safe and go with a silicone lube, they're a little more expensive but they contain no ingredients that can lead to infections or other unpleasantness (and silicone feels amazing!).
  • Next, it's important to feel confident and sexy again. We know that's easier said than done; you may be feeling a little vulnerable after the changes that pregnancy and birth have effected on your body, but a sexy new lingerie outfit can do wonders for your self-belief. We recommend a Babydoll or a Cami if you want to cover up a little bit and flatter your figure, but still look drop-dead sexy.
  • Next, it's important to communicate with your partner about how you're feeling. He's your husband, so if you lay your concerns and worries out for him he should be supportive, understanding and patient.
  • Finally, and this is the big one, just try having sex, even if you don't really feel like it. With a romantic, relaxed atmosphere and generous helpings of lube and foreplay, your body will quickly remember the sensations and pleasure of sex. And the more you do it, the more you'll find you want to do it, even if it feels a little weird at first. Just take it really, really slow to begin with, and you'll hopefully rediscover your sexuality and be back in your stride in no time.

Thanks for your question, and let us know how you get on!

Love from Eve x


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