This is a sex question:
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now and we have been in our new jobs after university now for approx. 5 months. In this time, both of our sex drives has completely gone. We have gone into a lapse of almost not being bothered/too tired for sex.
We are both reserved in sex as we both are shy and embarrassed to try anything new, although we will surely be willing to try something as instructed...please tell me...what can we do to increase our confidence and get into the spirit of actually wanting sex again!? Thanks for all the help!
That’s a very interesting problem, but it happens to a lot of couples in periods of transition. Whether it’s moving house, starting new jobs, pregnancy, you name it, periods of change breed adjustments of attitude.
It’s obvious that you want to address the problem because you came to us, and that’s great, it’s the first step to fixing the issue.
Take things slow, it’ll take time to get back into the groove so don’t feel like you’re under pressure to make things work again. But here’s a quick fix: clear your schedules and book a weekend away. It doesn’t have to be anywhere flashy or stupidly expensive, just something intimate during which you can forget the stresses of the changes through which you’re going. Have some drinks and relax. Flirt a little.
You mention that you’re both quite reserved, and that’s fine. Not everybody feels the need to be pushing their sexual boundaries, so if you’re not comfortable trying new things then don’t – at least not until you’re both back in the groove.
Remember, the more sex you have the more you’ll want, it’s just getting over that initial hurdle. A weekend away from external worries and pressures can make that hurdle much easier to surmount. You’ll have to work hard to keep the momentum up though, and since you’ve made the first move by reaching out to us, you might have to make the effort to keep the intensity up.
If nothing else, just remember that with a tiny bit of effort there’s no reason for you to get stuck in a rut. You just need to pursue the sex a little bit, and talk openly to your partner.
Love from Eve x